Let go!

pict0010-1.jpgme @bullock It took close to 2 hours to get the picture you’re seeing posted in that size to this page.  What’s remarkable is that, during those two hours, while I developed and pushed thru some strong doubts about my ability to use this program and the blog service’s ability to construct a user friendly post-your-picture program, I managed to persevere in the task.  So what does that mean, this thing that I’ve done which all of us do often more than once a day?  I used one part of my mind to overcome another part.  I’ve stepped outside of my frustration and negativity to persist toward my goal.  I stopped believing in my own inability and just let events continue to occur.  Most interesting to me, to do this I also had to stop believing in my ability.  As long as it was about me, it wasn’t about the task at hand.

This is what I now bring to my clients, a stepping back from the demands of the ego, that inner voice that calls out “I can” or “I must” or “I can’t.”  Rather simply being content with tackling whatever comes next.  Even an understanding that, no matter how successful or unsuccessful I might be, at any moment I am doing my best in that moment.  In addictions treatment this attitude is embedded in the Serenity Prayer and the ubiquitious slogan, “One day at a time.”

Two things I’ve noticed of late (although those of you who are forced to deal with me in person may haven not noticed it):

  1. I’ve been applying more and more of what I teach others to myself.  Not that I consistantly succeed in accomplishing what I set out to do.  Still it does happen just often enough to make me continue with it.  Additionally, when it fails, my tendency is to learn from the failure and open  up to new approaches–something else I’ve been teaching others for a while.
  2. Sometimes it seems that what I had in mind wasn’t really what I needed.  What I needed had to fight it’s way through the distractions of struggling for what I wanted for me to recognize and not pursue it but allow it.  Here’s an example: Two nights ago I got caught up in a mini-depression (images of myself living old, crippled, homeless and generally hungry.)  The next day I decided that what was needed was ceaseless, mindless activity to block out the demons.  So I spent the early morning with Bobbie,100_2147.jpg

then met friend Dave pict0015.jpgfor a delightful and leisurely bike exploration of GenX and Jewish Williamsburg and the campus at Pratt.

Then I met friend Gloria cropped-gloria.jpgfor that absolute glory

The Simpsons Movie.pict0052.jpg

Despite my intention to obliterate the depressive moment from consciousness, I found myself–comfortably and safely–discussing it with each of them.  My best self, it turns out, had it’s own hidden agenda.

So the question arises, if things are working so well, how come such a stern self-portrait?

Published in: on August 5, 2007 at 2:24 pm  Leave a Comment